Maybe it's because I am 63, but I've been in the computer field since I left college (tho retired now), so it's not like I've been a Luddite all my life. But I, too, have begun to abhor the fascination with cellphones. I look around public spaces, like my gym, and it's almost comical how all eyes are glued to their devices. I'm not a big socializer, either, but I don't use a cell phone as the mask others do to avoid even meeting the eyes of a person across a room.
But my biggest disappointment involves being called by people on their cell phones, when they are obviously driving, or walking, or shopping, etc. At first I tried to rationalize my disturbed feelings away, knowing how much "it makes sense" to use time like that to make calls or handle things. They were still talking completely to me, just getting something else done.
But the feelings persisted. Finally, I pinpointed the problem. It was ME that was the "something else to get done". Can check off the "keeping in touch with friends/family" box, without it actually taking up any of one's time.
One particular friend, who I've known for about 30 years and was very, very close to, seems puzzled by my seeming to distance him, not always answering his calls, or calling him back. But I remember when we used to sit for hours together, sharing deep conversations, including our feelings about important issues in our lives. (We happened to be going thru marital breakups at the same time, so naturally found it nice to have someone to share deep feelings with.)
What he doesn't seem to get, is that every time he calls me while he's food shopping, or driving, pausing while he looks for a street, or a brand of cereal, or whatever, our conversations never get past the "rained hard today, didn't it?" or "yeah, work is a pain" stuff. I especially noticed it because he remarried in those years, and happens to be divorcing again, and I thought maybe he could use someone to talk to, so I was trying to be there and not ignore his calls. But I finally gave up, and have gone back to checking off my own box, something like "have I gone too many calls in a row without answering?" so give him the chunk of time ... until his shopping trip is over, or he's found the location he was driving to.
I find it very sad. But I've accepted it. It's an introspective time for me, so it's fine that many of my friends are so "busy". Maybe if they seemed happier I'd be convinced it was a good thing, but too many of them seem to recognize there's a lack, but have no clue the connection to how they've reduced their conversations to something they can check off while they do something else.
On Jul 31, 2016 Joan wrote:
Maybe it's because I am 63, but I've been in the computer field since I left college (tho retired now), so it's not like I've been a Luddite all my life. But I, too, have begun to abhor the fascination with cellphones. I look around public spaces, like my gym, and it's almost comical how all eyes are glued to their devices. I'm not a big socializer, either, but I don't use a cell phone as the mask others do to avoid even meeting the eyes of a person across a room.
But my biggest disappointment involves being called by people on their cell phones, when they are obviously driving, or walking, or shopping, etc. At first I tried to rationalize my disturbed feelings away, knowing how much "it makes sense" to use time like that to make calls or handle things. They were still talking completely to me, just getting something else done.
But the feelings persisted. Finally, I pinpointed the problem. It was ME that was the "something else to get done". Can check off the "keeping in touch with friends/family" box, without it actually taking up any of one's time.
One particular friend, who I've known for about 30 years and was very, very close to, seems puzzled by my seeming to distance him, not always answering his calls, or calling him back. But I remember when we used to sit for hours together, sharing deep conversations, including our feelings about important issues in our lives. (We happened to be going thru marital breakups at the same time, so naturally found it nice to have someone to share deep feelings with.)
What he doesn't seem to get, is that every time he calls me while he's food shopping, or driving, pausing while he looks for a street, or a brand of cereal, or whatever, our conversations never get past the "rained hard today, didn't it?" or "yeah, work is a pain" stuff. I especially noticed it because he remarried in those years, and happens to be divorcing again, and I thought maybe he could use someone to talk to, so I was trying to be there and not ignore his calls. But I finally gave up, and have gone back to checking off my own box, something like "have I gone too many calls in a row without answering?" so give him the chunk of time ... until his shopping trip is over, or he's found the location he was driving to.
I find it very sad. But I've accepted it. It's an introspective time for me, so it's fine that many of my friends are so "busy". Maybe if they seemed happier I'd be convinced it was a good thing, but too many of them seem to recognize there's a lack, but have no clue the connection to how they've reduced their conversations to something they can check off while they do something else.
Sad.