Thank you for sharing these ideas with the world. When I find gems like these, it is always when I need them the most. I will warn anyone reading on that this comment may be a little heavy.
I was sexually assaulted by a trusted family member but never shared my pain until 14 years later. When thinking in a rational way I claimed to forgive them because I could only think about what wrongs they must have experienced. Emotionally, I wanted revenge/justice/and for them to just die. Well he finally was killed in an accident and I felt more pain than I had ever had before. I was angry because even though they were dead, my long list of negative, residual problems were still present, carrying his legacy. The analogy of slapping someone because they hit you first describes how I felt at that time. It doesn't take away the sting of being hurt. It just causes the pain to spread exponentially like a virus from person to person when it could have been treated with a well thought out, honest forgiveness. By doing so you are forgiving yourself, allowing healing to happen.
"When I no longer hold his offenses against him, my memory of him no longer exerts any control over my moods or my disposition. "
I am starting a therapy that focuses on reconstructing the ways in which I view/react to my past experiences and I am not sure how it will be possible after years of negative reinforcement. After reading this quote however, I feel like it has opened my eyes to the REAL importance of forgiveness for myself. Forgiveness is not just a formality. It transforms a relationship that provokes only thoughts of horror into one that allows me to grieve for the loss of a family member instead of grieving for my interrupted childhood.
Bottom line: Hope is what I gained from this read.
On May 7, 2014 Sleepy Learjet wrote:
Thank you for sharing these ideas with the world. When I find gems like these, it is always when I need them the most. I will warn anyone reading on that this comment may be a little heavy.
I was sexually assaulted by a trusted family member but never shared my pain until 14 years later. When thinking in a rational way I claimed to forgive them because I could only think about what wrongs they must have experienced. Emotionally, I wanted revenge/justice/and for them to just die. Well he finally was killed in an accident and I felt more pain than I had ever had before. I was angry because even though they were dead, my long list of negative, residual problems were still present, carrying his legacy. The analogy of slapping someone because they hit you first describes how I felt at that time. It doesn't take away the sting of being hurt. It just causes the pain to spread exponentially like a virus from person to person when it could have been treated with a well thought out, honest forgiveness. By doing so you are forgiving yourself, allowing healing to happen.
"When I no longer hold his offenses against him, my memory of him no longer exerts any control over my moods or my disposition. "
I am starting a therapy that focuses on reconstructing the ways in which I view/react to my past experiences and I am not sure how it will be possible after years of negative reinforcement. After reading this quote however, I feel like it has opened my eyes to the REAL importance of forgiveness for myself. Forgiveness is not just a formality. It transforms a relationship that provokes only thoughts of horror into one that allows me to grieve for the loss of a family member instead of grieving for my interrupted childhood.
Bottom line: Hope is what I gained from this read.