Very well explained. I was talking with a friend at work about this very concept the other day and reading this reminds me once again that the HARD PART of that process is finding the reflection within myself.
The example that comes immediately to mind is that I have, for most of my life, taken a firm stance against prejudice of any kind (sometimes with amusing results.) On a particular notable occasion, I found myself "sounding off" to a friend about a mutual acquaintance who was, in my eyes, extremely narrow-minded and prejudiced and absolutely certain that HIS way of thinking was the ONLY RIGHT WAY and was being quite crude and insulting about people who thought another way. Well, I was totally frosted! And was, I confess, ranting about his belief that his way is the only right way and how can he possibly BE that way and why can't he understand that everyone has the right to believe and behave as....
And then I heard what I was saying. I was saying that HIS way of thinking was not okay and HE was not okay because he should think like I think. In other words, I finally found the mirror.
Finding the mirror doesn't mean that I agreed to adopt his stance. No, I'm still extremely prejudiced against prejudice. But I saw him in myself and I saw myself in him and was able to accept us both more fully as the imperfect and lovable "works in progress" that we are. It gave me two gifts. I got a better understanding of a part of myself I had never seen, loved or integrated. And it let me stop wanting to strangle him!
On Oct 23, 2012 MsPegasus wrote:
Very well explained. I was talking with a friend at work about this very concept the other day and reading this reminds me once again that the HARD PART of that process is finding the reflection within myself.
The example that comes immediately to mind is that I have, for most of my life, taken a firm stance against prejudice of any kind (sometimes with amusing results.) On a particular notable occasion, I found myself "sounding off" to a friend about a mutual acquaintance who was, in my eyes, extremely narrow-minded and prejudiced and absolutely certain that HIS way of thinking was the ONLY RIGHT WAY and was being quite crude and insulting about people who thought another way. Well, I was totally frosted! And was, I confess, ranting about his belief that his way is the only right way and how can he possibly BE that way and why can't he understand that everyone has the right to believe and behave as....
And then I heard what I was saying. I was saying that HIS way of thinking was not okay and HE was not okay because he should think like I think. In other words, I finally found the mirror.
Finding the mirror doesn't mean that I agreed to adopt his stance. No, I'm still extremely prejudiced against prejudice. But I saw him in myself and I saw myself in him and was able to accept us both more fully as the imperfect and lovable "works in progress" that we are. It gave me two gifts. I got a better understanding of a part of myself I had never seen, loved or integrated. And it let me stop wanting to strangle him!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.