My former husband seemed to change his personality well into our marriage. When the psychological abuse became physical, after many years of my trying to forgive his anger and find ways to dodge and transform it, I realized I did not owe him my loyalty any longer. I didn't realize how much it had effected my heart until years later. I've reached out to seek re-connection, as it's been 20 years since our separation. We have 2 amazing grown children. He doesn't reply to any correspondence. So this article touches the tenderness and pain that I buried so long ago. My anger has waned. But I still feel the pain of the attacks. This is a work in progress. Opening to other loving people has become, for me, the richness I longed for.