what would there be to forgive? In practice, however, self-forgiveness can be code for avoiding culpability. The self-forgiveness formula most conducive to constructive change seems to involve an acknowledgement of both positive and negative aspects of the self. Research suggests, for example, that people who have more balanced, realistic views of themselves are less likely to use counter-productive coping strategies like self-handicapping than those who either inflate or deflate their self-images. Along similar lines, self-forgiveness interventions have been shown to be most helpful when combined with responsibility-taking exercises. Alone, self-forgiveness seems to do little to motivat... posted on Dec 11 2013 (34,974 reads)

do we need compassion? We need compassion because life is hard. We are all susceptible to diseases and injuries. Every one of us has a lifespan that had a start and will have an end. Just like you, I am vulnerable to disease. Just like you, I could have a blood test tomorrow that says my life is going to end. Just like you, I could hear that my son has been killed in a car crash. Because these things can happen to any of us at any time, we’re all in this together. No one—no one—escapes. And the more we work together, the more we can make this journey of suffering bearable. The Buddhist tradition puts it this way: “Just like me, you want to be happy; just lik... posted on Jan 8 2014 (33,818 reads)

was intrigued when at a ServiceSpace gathering one evening when Pavi Mehta took me aside and told me about a woman she’d met, Grace Dammann. Pavi is one of those people I listen to very carefully. I should meet Grace, she told me. Her spirit is remarkable. The arc of her life has had her play many roles. She been a physician to AIDS patients, a dedicated Zen practitioner, a parent, a partner, a recipient of the Dalai Lama's Compassionate Spirit award, and a patient who spent 48 days in a coma after a devastating accident—the results of which she continues to negotiate in daily ways. As Pavi said, “It’s impossible not to be amazed and inspired by her spirit and s... posted on Dec 31 2013 (26,956 reads)

stories give shape to our inchoate, disparate, fleeting impressions of everyday life.” “I pray to Jesus to preserve my sanity,” Jack Kerouac professed in discussing his writing routine. But those of us who fall on the more secular end of the spectrum might need a slightly more potent sanity-preservation tool than prayer. That’s precisely what writer and psychotherapist Philippa Perry offers in How To Stay Sane (public library; UK), part of The School of Life’s wonderful series reclaiming the traditional self-help genre as intelligent, non-self-helpy, yet immensely helpful guides to modern living. At the heart of Perry’s argument &mdash... posted on Feb 11 2014 (36,789 reads)

new book outlines the evidence for the primacy of social connections in our lives, and presents guidelines improving workplaces, schools, and personal well-being. Why is loneliness so painful? Why do we care how others treat us? And, why do we spend so much time perseverating on past and future relationships? These are some of the questions addressed in Matthew Lieberman’s new book, Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect. Lieberman, a social neuroscientist at the University of California, Los Angeles, outlines the fascinating neurological evidence for the primacy of social connections in our lives, and presents guidelines for how we can use this information to improve our ... posted on Feb 24 2014 (20,858 reads)

the sharing economy movement address the root causes of the world’s converging crises? Unless the sharing of resources is promoted in relation to human rights and concerns for equity, democracy, social justice and sustainability, then such claims are without substantiation – although there are many hopeful signs that the conversation is slowly moving in the right direction.  In recent years, the concept and practice of sharing resources is fast becoming a mainstream phenomenon across North America, Western Europe and other world regions. The internet is awash with articles and websites that celebrate the vast potential of sharing human and physical assets, in everythi... posted on Mar 2 2014 (11,600 reads)

might history teach us about living more simple, less consumerist lifestyles? The ancient Greek philosopher Diogenes took simple living to the extreme, and lived in an old wine barrel. Painting by Jean-Léon Gérôme, used courtesy of Wikimedia Commons. When the recently elected Pope Francis assumed office, he shocked his minders by turning his back on a luxury Vatican palace and opting instead to live in a small guest house. He has also become known for taking the bus rather than riding in the papal limousine. The Argentinian pontiff is not alone in seeing the virtues of a simpler, less materialistic approach to the art of living. In fact, simple livi... posted on Mar 14 2014 (43,475 reads)

Kornfield shares extraordinary stories of forgiveness--and explains how the next story could be yours. On the train from Washington to Philadelphia, while on my way to my father’s memorial funeral service, I sat down next to an interesting fellow who worked with young boys, particularly those in jail and prison, as part of an inner-city project in Washington, DC. He told me this story. A young kid, 14 years old, wanted to get into a gang. The way that he proved himself to enter the gang was to shoot somebody—it was an initiation rite. He shot this kid he didn’t know. He was apprehended, brought to trial, and at the end of the trial, convicted. Just bef... posted on Mar 15 2014 (62,814 reads)

to the research on failure, students may need more than just grit to succeed. A couple of weeks ago, a New York Times op-ed asked the question, “Are kids too coddled?” In other words, shouldn’t we let them fail once in awhile so they develop some backbone? Or don’t they just need more grit? The answer is not that simple because human beings are not that simple. According to UC Berkeley professor Martin Covington, the fear of failure is directly linked to your self-worth, or the belief that you are valuable as a person. As a result, Covington found that students will put themselves through unbelievable psychological machinations in order ... posted on Mar 23 2014 (30,812 reads)

Attention the Secret to Emotional Intelligence? An interview with best-selling author Daniel Goleman about his new book, Focus. New research suggests—is that your phone? Go ahead and reply. It’s OK, I’ll wait. Back? I think I was saying something about—wait, you’re checking your email? Can’t you focus? You’re not alone. It has become an axiom of modern life that we’re a people under attack, assailed by a barrage of technologies and near-constant communications. Amidst this wealth of data and information, one resource is in short supply: our ability to pay attention. It is this dilemma that animates Daniel Goleman’s ... posted on Mar 25 2014 (23,133 reads)

2010, Dave Brailsford faced a tough job. No British cyclist had ever won the Tour de France, but as the new General Manager and Performance Director for Team Sky (Great Britain’s professional cycling team), Brailsford was asked to change that. His approach was simple. Brailsford believed in a concept that he referred to as the “aggregation of marginal gains.” He explained it as “the 1 percent margin for improvement in everything you do.” His belief was that if you improved every area related to cycling by just 1 percent, then those small gains would add up to remarkable improvement. They started by optimizing the things you might expect: the nutri... posted on Apr 4 2014 (81,413 reads)

suggestions for keeping your students’ holiday spirit going throughout the year. With the holidays upon us, many teachers use this time to encourage students to express the spirit of generosity and kindness—and with good reason: it’s not only a selfless way to help others, research suggests it can also help them enhance their own relationships, health, and happiness. But encouraging the spirit of giving among your students doesn’t have to start and end with holiday-time. The key, though, is for teachers to create a classroom environment that fosters children’s natural altruistic tendencies—which researchers have documented in children a... posted on May 16 2014 (15,114 reads)

Maltz was a plastic surgeon in the 1950s when he began noticing a strange pattern among his patients. When Dr. Maltz would perform an operation — like a nose job, for example — he found that it would take the patient about 21 days to get used to seeing their new face. Similarly, when a patient had an arm or a leg amputated, Maltz noticed that the patient would sense a phantom limb for about 21 days before adjusting to the new situation. These experiences prompted Maltz to think about his own adjustment period to changes and new behaviors, and he noticed that it also took himself about 21 days to form a new habit. Maltz wrote about these experiences and said, “... posted on Jul 16 2014 (65,681 reads)

an excerpt from her new book, Arianna Huffington explores how gratitude helped her to find meaning in pain and loss. I’ve come to believe that living in a state of gratitude is the gateway to grace. This essay was adapted from Arianna Huffington's new book Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder. Grace and gratitude have the same Latin root, gratus. Whenever we find ourselves in a stop-the-world-I-want-to-get-off mindset, we can remember that there is another way and open ourselves to grace. And it often starts with taking a moment to be grateful for this day, for being alive, f... posted on Jun 7 2014 (21,586 reads)

people I meet want to develop more harmonious and satisfying relationships. But we may not realize that this can only be achieved by partnering with two new and strange allies: uncertainty and confusion. Most of us weren’t trained to like confusion or to admit when we feel hesitant and uncertain. In our schools and organizations, we place value on sounding assured and confident. People are rewarded for stating opinions as if they’re facts. Quick answers abound; pensive questions have disappeared. Confusion has yet to emerge as a higher order value or behavior that organizations eagerly reward. As life continues to speed up (adding to our confusion), we don’t ... posted on May 19 2014 (28,156 reads)

is not an individual property, but is a property of an entire web of relationships. It is a community practice. This is the profound lesson we need to learn from nature. The way to sustain life is to build and nurture community. A sustainable human community interacts with other communities — human and nonhuman — in ways that enable them to live and develop according to their natures. Sustainability does not mean that things do not change. It is a dynamic process of coevolution rather than a static state. Because of the close connection between sustainability and community, basic principles of ecology can also be understood as principles of community. In part... posted on Jun 17 2014 (18,646 reads)

of Time: Part II We believe that places are like people and that each has a unique personality. A defining and often delightful aspect of each place’s personality is the way in which time is understood, measured and perceived by the people who live there. Cross the globe and you will encounter many different rhythms of life - some slow, some frantic, some chaotic and changeable, some melodic and rich, and just a few where time goes by entirely untracked. Many farmers use the subtle variations in seasonal weather patterns to measure the passing of time, while others’ religious beliefs can lead them to live their lives according to the waxing and waning of t... posted on Jun 23 2014 (14,485 reads)

Simon: You're listening to Insights at the Edge. Today, my guest is Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor—called by many who know her "Dr. Jill"—is a Harvard-trained neuroanatomist who experienced a severe hemorrhage in the left hemisphere of her brain in 1996. On the afternoon of this rare form of stroke, she could not walk, talk, read, write, or recall any of her life. It took eight years for Dr. Jill to completely recover all of her physical function and thinking ability. She's the author of the New York Times bestselling memoir My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey. Dr. Jill will also be a featured presenter at Sounds ... posted on Aug 24 2014 (35,750 reads)

know what you’re going to draw, you have to begin drawing.” “Inspiration is for amateurs — the rest of us just show up and get to work,” painter Chuck Close memorably scoffed. “Show up, show up, show up,” novelist Isabelle Allende echoed in heradvice to aspiring writers, “and after a while the muse shows up, too.” Legendary composer Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky put it similarly in an1878 letter to his benefactress: “A self-respecting artist must not fold his hands on the pretext that he is not in the mood.” Indeed, this notion that creativity and fruitful ideas come not from the passive resignation to a muse but ... posted on Sep 29 2014 (26,929 reads)

many times have you read a great article, or had an idea, or wanted to make a change … but then didn’t? It’s one of the biggest frustrations for people who read this site: people blame themselves for not implementing a plan to change habits. It takes a switch in gears. I remember a boatload of times when I’ve been really inspired by something, but then didn’t take action. I wanted to run a marathon, do a triathlon, write a book, start a blog, lose weight, get out of debt, start waking early, simplify my life. But I didn’t actually do anything about it. I was busy. I was tired. I had other things to do. But those were just excuses. I lea... posted on Sep 28 2014 (25,942 reads)