gone were the sobbing sessions in clothing store dressing rooms, curled up in a fetal position on the floor; gone were the hundreds of Friday nights spent at home with his parents instead of with friends. Instead, he waltzed out of a dressing room wearing a tuxedo when it was time for prom. He went to hear bands or hang out around backyard fire pits with friends. He started dating for the first time in his life. Always an extraordinary student, he began to approach his college-prep coursework with unparalleled focus and determination. To top it all off, he also started training for a marathon. One night, watching from the balcony of a theater as he performed at the piano on stage, I g... posted on Sep 11 2019 (14,745 reads)

long after one silo with a dangerous but captivating tilt had given way to the elements, there were times when, in spite of myself, I cited it as a landmark. The sense of displacement that a lost traveler feels is sometimes shared by the locals—which is what the actor David Strathairn found some years ago when he was on location in Nebraska for a television production of Willa Cather’s O Pioneers! Road names were being changed from family surnames to numbers, and the work was still in progress. "East of downtown Lincoln, the landscape rolls and rolls like a gigantic quilt with wind underneath it," he told me. "The roads cut at right angles heading o... posted on Sep 22 2019 (3,907 reads)

but didn’t know what else to say. I mentioned that I had this vague recollection of talking to her after the surgery, asking her if I could find out who the donor was so I could thank this person’s family (and maybe know whose bone was at that moment starting to merge with my face). She laughed, “Yes, you did ask about that. We really have no way of knowing.” And with that, there was really no more to say other than pleasantries. I thanked her for her good work and left the office, a place close enough to where I live that I could easily walk home. Outside, it was overcast with a bit of drizzle, a pretty stereotypical fall day in Seattle. One foot in... posted on Nov 3 2019 (5,066 reads)

can be stressful. Whether it’s the stress that comes with having too much work to do in too little time, fulfilling caregiving obligations, or dealing with a major illness or setback, sometimes it can be hard to cope. In response to stress, many people today are turning to meditation or mindfulness apps (myself included). But not all mindfulness practice is equally effective for combatting stress, a new study suggests. It’s possible that some of our practices may be missing a vital ingredient: acceptance. In this study, researchers randomly assigned 137 stressed adults of various ages and ethnicities to one of three programs: an eight-week Mindfulness-Ba... posted on Nov 6 2019 (8,160 reads)

Accountability for Social Change is a monthly series on Giving Compass exploring feedback in philanthropy with practical steps for donors. It serves as a primer for the 2020 publication of David Bonbright’s (co-founder and chief executive, Keystone Accountability) book on the emergence of mutuality — working on relationships and not just in them — as a breakthrough approach to philanthropy and social change. The stories and advice are based on a 40-year journey to mutuality craft. Part Five of this series has been syndicated below. As one of the world’s most famous moral leaders, Nelson Mandela’s larger-than-life struggle against aparth... posted on Nov 8 2019 (4,675 reads)

Why do we keep summoning Mister Rogers? And why is now the time for a feature film about his influence? “We need him now,” people often say to me. “There’s no one like him these days,” I often hear. “If only he were around…” There’s a heavy dose of nostalgia at play here. But nostalgia, while pleasant, is static. It doesn’t heal any ills or bind any wounds. It certainly doesn’t build neighborhoods of care, which is the work Fred Rogers was all about. Nostalgia suggests that there was a simpler time, that Mister Rogers was a simple man, that Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood was a simple show where we could... posted on Nov 27 2019 (13,029 reads)

some fifth-grade girls had made for me at the end of last year. It was an 8 ½” by 14” picture of the library, with shelves filled with books and the words, “I love the library,” and “Thank you, Ms. Lafia!” written down the middle. The drawing made by fifth-grade girls expressing their love for their library and librarian. Lately, I’ve noticed how grateful my husband and I feel when we come through our front door after a long day at work. I often spontaneously  say, “I’m so grateful to be home.” And my husband usually echoes the thought with, “Me, too.” And on the weekends, when we have time to ... posted on Dec 7 2019 (6,662 reads)

I took for granted as a kid were miraculous gifts. I mean, if you need reasons to appreciate your boring family, go read Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt, or I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou, or Educated by Tara Westover. The predictable, loving, and comfortable home in which I grew up may have scuttled my hopes of writing a bestselling memoir about my tortured childhood, but I wanted Mom to know that, as a mother myself, I understood the hard work that had gone into creating our stable home life. In fact, it was the solid reassurance of my mom’s permanence that allowed me to pursue my goal to get the hell out of my upstate New Yor... posted on Dec 9 2019 (8,810 reads)

headed into his secret chambers to suit up, to transform himself. “What’s your secret identity?” Sam asked me once, and I had to admit that I didn’t have one. I was forced to confess to being just plain old Daddy, always and everywhere. But when Zorro would rear back on Tornado, his cape unfurled and blowing in the midnight California wind, Sam sometimes gave me a grinning thumbs-up. It was so cool. So, okay, I admit it. When I came home after a long day at work and Sam invited me, as he did from time to time, to don one of his capes, I almost always obliged him. Sometimes I wondered what the neighbors in our close-set houses might think if they caught a... posted on Feb 2 2020 (5,467 reads)

and getting elected to the local school board.  He died not long after doing his last pruning of the apple and peach orchard on the hillside above the farmhouse, where he had quietly lived his whole adult life, and lived it well. So I’ve been thinking a lot about the wisdom of taking on what is right in our world instead of waging war on what is clearly wrong. I prefer the idea of hitching rides on magic carpets, dreaming dreams with other folks who know how to work hard and play hard, creating a much more interesting world than what we’ve been handed. I know that’s where the real action is, anyway, where effective change is happening, and where ... posted on Feb 4 2020 (7,576 reads)

The greatest limitation beckoning our acceptance is that we simply cannot understand or even perceive the entirety of life. Br. David Steindl-Rast reinforces that we need not reject this edge, suggesting instead that it’s necessary for living into our full potential: “There can be no vision without acceptance of Mystery.”    Leaning into mystery, we unleash ourselves into invigorating territory where what felt like the tough or even insurmountable work of accepting ourselves, others, and the state of the world as is begins to soften. The waters settle and clear. Edges begin to lose their edge, burgeoning with the great fullness of life. As we c... posted on Feb 25 2020 (13,486 reads)

myself a modern Margaret Mead amongst the millennials, and I quickly learned that I had as much to offer them as they did to me.  The more I've seen and learned about our respective generations, the more I realize that we often don't trust each other enough to actually share our respective wisdom. We may share a border, but we don't necessarily trust each other enough to share that respective wisdom. I believe, looking at the modern workplace, that the trade agreement of our time is opening up these intergenerational pipelines of wisdom so that we can all learn from each other.  Almost 40 percent of us in t... posted on Feb 27 2020 (7,367 reads)

Network for Grateful Living we often refer to gratefulness as an orientation to life with an unconditional and expansive embrace. One that isn’t reserved for that which is pleasant, desired, or going our way, rather an embrace that accepts and includes the great fullness of life — the entirety of our experience. Such an embrace opens us to the teachings and opportunities within every moment. It offers us what we need not merely to survive difficult times but to appreciate their gifts, even when the gifts take time to reveal themselves. When life feels too small or too big to handle, too predictable or too uncertain, this is when we need gratefulness ... posted on Mar 15 2020 (54,581 reads)

the country toward precisely such pathways to “greater strength, clarity, joy, independence.” McCarthy lost — to another Democratic candidate, who would in turn lose to none other than Nixon — and the country plummeted into more war, more extractionism, more reactionary nationalism and bigotry. But the very rise of that unlikely candidate contoured hopes undared before — hopes some of which have since become reality and others have clarified our most urgent work as a society and a species. Fromm writes: A man who was hardly known before, one who is the opposite of the typical politician, averse to appealing on the basis of sentimentality or demagogu... posted on Mar 30 2020 (15,079 reads)

ones filling their coffers with coins. But wait. Perhaps that, too, is backwards. It is these widows, orphans, refugees and displaced persons who enrich us. They stand undefended, "the least among us," often with apparently empty hands. Yet God cherishes empty hands. Miracles happen there, precisely because God stands with those whom the world disregards. With no material wealth to give, such women connect on a deeper level. They share their struggles, their stories, their hard work, their daily living and dying, their dreams. They know nothing of the rugged independence so cherished by Westerners. They need one another, and they know it. And when some small abundance does u... posted on Apr 4 2020 (7,774 reads)

one another’s, then we are all investing our time in other people’s circumstances. Art by Isol from Daytime Visions Farman recounts a not-uncommon experience: At the grocery store, he finds himself getting reflexively frustrated with the woman ahead of him, who is taking too much time to check out. Only upon realizing that she is counting food stamps and coupons does he transport himself, with a pang of shame, into her difficult circumstances. He writes: If we work toward an awareness of time as collective rather than individual, we can come to understand wait time as an investment in the social fabric that connects us. My patience with someone like the wom... posted on Apr 7 2020 (7,476 reads)

on retreats, where the environment of “unplugging”, being surrounded by people who are meditating, and not engaging in social chit-chat are conducive factors for delving deeper into one’s internal experience and “rewiring” of stressful thought-feeling habit patterns. While over 20 years of taking (and sometimes teaching) 2-4 retreats a year has been the foundation of my mindfulness practice and experience, it is in solitude where I get some of the most profound work done. When at home, it is on my “organic nights” (where, in solitude, I courageously and playfully examine my experience) that many of my deepest insights have been born. However,&... posted on Apr 13 2020 (7,315 reads)

prepped for tomorrow? Check.Time for a quick run in between meetings? Check. Check. Check. Check. Oops, missed that one. Check again.) I both love and hate this time. I feel cooped up and starved of intimate social interaction. I wish I could hug a friend. Look at the crinkle of their eyes, laugh and hold hands over the ridiculous things our children say (Zayd's latest statement after haphazardly slapping a 1/2 inch piece of tape over a sheet of paper- "Mama don't touch that! I worked very hard on it." Then grabs the tape and stomps away. Astounded by my lack of sensitivity.) Now, with no where to go, and no where to be - save a litany of zoom conversations for work ... posted on Apr 14 2020 (6,036 reads)

was invited to write a reflection that I've titled: Powered by Love---an Emerging Worldview It is on my website, being circulated in other forums by Club of Budapest, Science and Medical Network in the UK, and others. There is a worldview that has come to dominate every aspect of global reality affecting human civilization, the natural world and planetary climate conditions. It can be summarized as the quantitative worldview. The quantitative worldview is in a crisis so deep it is leading, in an interconnected and interdependent world, to deep systemic disruptions, chaotic conditions and signs of complete failure. If this worldview were a patient receiving care it wou... posted on Apr 17 2020 (11,300 reads)

China sequestered 100 million metric tons of carbon. People in North India are gazing at the distant Himalayas —some of them for the first time in their lives. They can see blue sky from the streets of Delhi; dolphins have already returned to the canals of Venice, and so forth. Who will want to go back after they’ve seen how fast nature can recover if we give her a chance? Another thing we can take advantage of are the new forms of organization springing up, like the vast network Gandhi set up for the manufacture and distribution of homespun cloth — a typical and highly useful thing that often accompanies constructive program efforts. For us, the most promising new ... posted on May 7 2020 (8,077 reads)