How To Turn Down The Tension in a Conversation

With decades of research, Julia Minson developed a practice that people can very quickly learn to effectively deal with conflict and disagreement, using the acronym HEAR: H is hedging -- speaking with less dogmatism, using words like “sometimes, or maybe;” E is emphasizing what you can agree on such as “we both want;” A is acknowledgement by restating the other person’s perspective; R is reframing using positive words, and avoiding negatives like “no, don’t, can’t, won’t.” Julia’s research also shows that people mimic emotions. “So if I’m more positive and warm, that makes you more positive and warm—and if I’m more negative, that makes you more negative.” She emphasizes that it is a practice, and “it’s ‘contagious’—when one person learns and implements it, it affects the people around them, therefore creating a ripple effect of better communication.”

READ FULL STORY